Letters To My Daughters: Why I Yell

This letter matches up with my Honesty Column post for this week.

Dear Zoe,

I’m sorry that I yell too much. I don’t like it and I know you don’t either. Lately you have been covering your ears as soon as you think I’m going to raise my voice. It makes me sad that I make you feel like you want to do that.

I yell when I’m frustrated. Frustrated means annoyed and for me it’s like a little gripping feeling inside that can get very tight. To make the feeling go away I yell so it comes out. I think it’s a bit like how you feel when you don’t get what you want. You stamp your foot and yell a bit to make the bad feeling go away.

Thing is though, it doesn’t really work, does it? When I yell at you the gripping feeling sometimes actually gets worse, and then it turns into sadness because I can see I have hurt your feelings. I don’t like doing that. Sometimes the gripping feeling is so strong that I don’t think first. What I should do is to stop and take a big deep breath. Then I could talk to you without yelling and we might both feel a bit better.

I’ll try my hardest to do that.

I love you lots and lots,
love from Mummy.

You might also like to read a more light hearted letter I wrote to Miss 4 –  Things I Love About You.

One Reply to “Letters To My Daughters: Why I Yell”

  1. Hi Jess,

    It makes the gripping feeling worse because you are directing the scream at someone you love. Now that you have started to watch the phenomenon you will be able to see it coming and race out the door to have a good scream in the paddock. You kids will be so interested in what you’re doing they will stop whatever they were doing anyway. That way you will be letting yourself and the kids know that it’s okay to have so-called negative feelings but that they are just a build up of pressure that can be released.

    This approach will add the element of playfullness to the situation and over time your watching will pay off and you will catch it before it starts to build up.
    It is easy to feel trapped in motherhood, and it does perhaps limit one’s freedom to do other things when we feel like it, but it doesn’t last forever and there is no shortage of writers out there, but there is only one Zoe’s mum. It has been said, and I know it is perhaps not a fashionable thing to say, but motherhood is probably the most creative thing one can do if one does it joyfully and playfully.

    Love Rupa

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