The Honesty Column: Mission – Bedtime. Bravery Required.

asleepMISSION: Bedtime.
OBJECTIVE: Successfully put targets to bed and get them to sleep. TARGETS: 2 x small humans:  1 x 4 year old and 1 x 10 month old. MISSION TO BE COMPLETED BY: 8:30pm. SKILLS REQUIRED: Negotiation, patience, lie detection. LEVEL OF SKILLS REQUIRED: High. EQUIPMENT NEEDED: toothbrush, toothpaste, pyjamas, story books, night light, beds. BACKUP: 1 x husband and 2 x cats. Fat ones. DIFFICULTY: Yes. Several.

 

REPORT TO HEADQUARTERS:
It seems to complete this Mission several smaller battles need to be waged.
BATTLE 1: It’s not night time!
Damn daylight savings. True, it doesn’t LOOK like night-time out there, but TRUST me when I tell you, kiddo, that it is indeed past your bed time. It will be dark very soon so we better beat the darkness to bed!
BATTLE 2: But I don’t WANT to go to bed!
I know that, but you need to get lots of sleep so you aren’t too tired tomorrow. But I’m NOT TIRED! Oh, but you are my dear, the bags under your eyes and the stroppy behaviour give you away. Into bed you will go. NO!!!! You will get into bed NOW or I will throw the cupcakes in the bin! Good. Thank you.
BATTLE 3: I don’t want to wear THOSE pyjamas! I want to wear my fairy skirt and t-shirt. 
Ok, fine, whatever. Not fighting this battle.
BATTLE 4: I want another story! 
Sweets, I have already read three stories, that will do quite nicely. I WANT ANOTHER ONE! Well, no, you certainly aren’t going to get another one if you speak to me like that! SLEEP NOW!
BATTLE 5: Mum? I’m hungry. 
You should have told me that before it was bedtime. You are not getting up to eat now.
BATTLE 6: I’ll just get up and get a drink.
*deep breaths*
BATTLE 7: (best whingy voice) But Muuuuum, I haven’t got a grown up to cuddle me!
I have just given you a big long cuddle! I have to feed Sadie now! SLEEP! But… I’ll get Daddy to come in and cuddle you.
BATTLE 8: Mum, do you like my dolly?
Zoe! SLEEP NOW! NO MORE TALKING!  *huge annoyed sigh*

The smaller of the two targets was relatively easy to get to sleep, however, 8:30 was not the time she thought to be appropriate. Up and wide eyed until 9:30, then with a feed and a cuddle she was off to sleep. In my bed. This child will not tolerate a cot. The screaming is not worth it. The cot was dismantled and replaced with a single mattress on the floor. At least there is room for me too. However, mostly she ends up in my bed for the whole night. The husband has been relegated to the single mattress on the floor. Or the couch. At least he gets a full night of sleep.

Now, I appreciate your faith in me taking on this Mission, but this was an exhausting process. I have also come to understand that it is the SAME MISSION EVERY SINGLE NIGHT with the same battles from both targets. This seems to be to be slightly monotonous and frustrating so I will not be taking on any of the Missions in the future. You will need to find someone else silly enough to attempt this. It is clear I simply do not have what it takes. I’m going to watch TV and eat chocolate instead.

Oh, by the way, the cats provided no assistance at all, and insisted on getting in the way, so their use as backup needs to be reviewed.

Good night.

P.S you must also check out Barbara Good’s take on this topic.

P.P.S This: 😀

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